“Get out of the house now!” the man, whom once resembled her father, bellowed ferociously. Years and years of miscommunication and distrust had finally culminated in her dad throwing her out of the family home.

What began as a situation of her father disapproving of her boyfriend had evolved into something more monstrous and deadly. Today, she is estranged from her family and lives with her then-boyfriend, who is now her husband, in a sparsely-furnished home in the northern part of Singapore.

This is just one example of a simple family conflict that spiralled out of control due to non-intervention. Unfortunately, it is also an issue that is rarely highlighted, especially in Asia. After all, saving face is of utmost importance in the Asian culture and there also is the stereotype that good families never fight. However, the truth, according to Dr John Ng, is actually messier than that.

“Some parents think that a family is healthy when there are no conflicts. Unfortunately, most times, conflicts in these homes are usually swept under the carpet. Healthy families must have conflicts and the key is learning how to manage them effectively,” Dr Ng says.

Easier said than done, you say?

Dr Ng agrees. He too grew up in a seemingly placid family environment, but underneath the surface, he and his siblings harboured many unresolved issues. Dr Ng and his brothers would bottle up their emotions concerning their father instead of talking about it, as their mother would constantly advise them “not to rock the boat”.

However, approaching family conflicts with the right frame of mind can result in positive outcomes such as:

• Better understanding
• New ideas
• Healthier relationships
• Mutual respect
• Fresh perspectives